Disclosure released their much anticipated follow up album Caracal last week, and critics have been giving it very mixed reviews. All of us here at DMNDR say forget these music politics and enjoy some really good dance music. Who care’s if it’s poppy? We love it, so we decided to tell a story through the album.

The following is a night out through Disclosures, Caracal as told by a very very gay man. Read the following fictional chain of events as if the album is your personal soundtrack. Feel free to press play above to listen as you read along.

“A Gay Night Out With Disclosure’s Caracal”

Nocturnal: 4:49pm – Pressing play right after you press the down arrow finally on your way home. The Weeknd is making you feel sassier than ever with a perfect blend of both artists sounds.

Omen: 4:51pm – Hearing Sam Smith’s satin like vocals make you feel like Beyonce as you lean against the wall waiting for the train. Your foot is not behind the yellow line. You don’t care, and feel like you want to grind up on somebody. That may have been too much but this song is just that sexy.

Holding On: 5:18pm – As Gregory Porter’s jazzy vocals find their way in your ear, you get overwhelmed with early 90’s euroclub. As you lean against the subway door, you find strange comfort and recognition as you get a smile from across you by the homophobic drunk because your jorts are too short.

Hourglass: 5:31pm – You notice Jillian Harvey’s voice is vaguely reminiscent of Erykah Badu as she sing almost like the conductor of an old locomotive (yea, thats right I didn’t say train) powering you through as the train is at a dead stop as the homophobic drunk coughs up a little baby barf.

Willing & Able: 6:02pm – You place your phone on the sink as you shower. As “Willing and Able” you find yourself a bit lost in the sexiness of Kwabs’ deep soulful bellows. You start to feel a little frisky then realize you put face wash in your hair and felt completely ok with it.

Magnets: 7:24pm – When you finally get to the Cubbyhole much later than wanted all the free pizza was cold. This is all because you got distracted from the $1.99 Baja fish tacos as Lorde’s sarcastically sexy lyrics come out of nowhere with this head bopping slow jam. You realize that this is probably your favorite song so far.

Jaded: 8:45pm – You find the only cute guy who’s there for the same reasons you are. You’re “that gay guy who has only has lesbian friends”. You think your a really good flirt but it’s just the PBR’s talking and you’re really gassy.

Good Intentions: 9:31pm You don’t smoke but you bum a cigarette of couple you met from Australia who’s back packing the USA, but then you make yourself look like a complete asshole because they were actually sisters and you were way too drunk to care. While this is all happening you realize that Miguel is on this 90’s arcade sounding track and become a bit overwhelmed thinking about the blinding star powered line up of this album.

Superego: 10:21pm –  You finally leave the Cubby, and love it just as much as you did the last time you went. You find your way to some gay club in Chelsea that you don’t know the name of. Superego becomes your complete dancefloor jam. You dance like you never knew you could as underground London singer NAO’s voice floods your body and you realize you are scaring more guys than actually attracting them but actually loving it. You then realize that this song is tied with “Magnets” as your favorite.

Echoes: 11:30pm – As the song begins, you get a little thrown off because you are overwhelmed with nostalgia as this hammering glam club percussion sounds like something you heard binge watching Queer as Folk on Netflix. At this point in the night you are just done drinking and you just want to eat. The $.99 Pizza around the corner is your savior. This becomes your Pizza anthem. You realize it’s time to go home.

Masterpiece: 11:58pm – You look at the time and realize that you will be in bed relatively early so you actually get some sleep and not even mad about it. The train car is surprisingly empty so you close your eyes and you fall to the seduction of the song. This doesn’t sound like anything that would be off Disclosure’s last album but you’re really into it and see the maturity in sound.

Molecules: 12:06am – You imagine the person you could have danced with tonight and gone home with. You picture him, He’s Israeli and traveling the states with perfect mat of chest hair and a name you can’t pronounce.  But then you realize that this isn’t Looking, and then understand why it got cancelled. You quickly get over it as “Molecules” sinks into your ears and takes control over your hips, and you realize you don’t need no man.

Moving Mountains: 12:30pm – Your night is over. It was one of those “I started drinking too early again, just danced and a lot” but you are completely ok with that. Brendan Reilly makes quite the announcement into the music industry as his sultry soul tinged vocals guide you through this slow jam and you appreciate the intentional cohesivity of Caracal.

Afterthought: 12:44pm – You’re not asleep yet because your neighbors are banging right up against your wall. It’s all good, you aren’t even mad, because “Afterthought” is too soothing for you to be upset as the album comes to an end. You quickly reflect on Caracal in all, and can only think, good job boys. Good job.